That Smith

Bump on a Hill

By Tato Smith

Once upon a time, way back in the day in a small stupid town filled with over-weight McDonald’s eaters; there was a bump on a hill. It was dumb bump on a hill. People tripped over it a lot and fell down the hill and got stickers stuck all over them. This angered the townspeople very much. But everyone in the town was too fat and lazy to actually ever go fix the dumb bump on the hill; and them being fat made the town a known spot for site-seers and tourists that would come from miles away to watch the fat people trip and roll down the hill, usually with some kind of pastry in one hand.

Why do all the fat people keep walking down the hill you ask? Well, there’s a McDonald’s Super Center with all you can eat fries and cheeseburgers on Monday and Wednesday nights at the bottom. These fat people will do anything to go there. So the way they see it, the dumb bump on the hill is a good thing; it gets them there in half the time and half the effort.

But sometimes they wouldn’t be able to stop rolling and would roll right past the McDonald’s Super Center with all you can eat fries and cheeseburgers on Monday and Wednesday nights and go right into St. Hashbrown Lake. They didn’t like this lake much. It was a nuisance to them. They took a vote and had St. Hashbrown Lake removed and replaced it with a 24 hour Burger King. This made it all the more reason to go down the hill.

But sometimes they accidentally rolled pat the 24 hour Burger King and didn’t like to walk all the way back to the eating attractions. This caused a huge problem for the townspeople. So they just had to keep having eating places built one after the other to eat at so they wouldn’t have to walk back to one.

Then one day a skinny salesman came to the town and spoke with the townspeople. He talked of scooters that could take them down the hill with ease and no more painful stickers or smashed, dirty pastries. The townspeople were in Heaven. So of course they all bought their own scooter to take down the hill.

The townspeople were so excited! They couldn’t wait to try out their new scooters and get some yummy food. So that’s what they did. But they didn’t realize the scooters didn’t have any brakes. So they took off down the hill in such a hurry to get to the bottom. And they got there quicker than they thought. They couldn’t stop!! And steering wasn’t easy either. The skinny salesman had tricked them! He now sat up with the site-seers and tourists to watch. The fat townspeople crashed into the first eating places and they all died.

The site-seers, tourists and skinny people all rejoiced!! The town was now theirs!! So they went and cleaned up the greasy mess and built shopping malls full of skinny people clothes, and they were happy. The end.